Dear Diary
by kitsunelover
Summary: Onion Kurama, paranoid infatuation, and psychotic obsession! FINALLY updated! Kurama's Diary II...
1. Hiei's Diary I

"Dear Diary"

Part I

Hiei's Diary I

Disclaimer: I swear, someone out there is getting a sick sort of joy from rubbing this into my face every time I type this: I don't own YYH. *rubs eyes frantically*

Warnings: It's really too silly to be anything, but if you're easily (I mean _very_ easily) offended, you probably shouldn't read this.

Day 1: 

Am currently plotting to steal the Three Treasures of Reikai with Gouki so I can take over the world! Muahahaha! Oh, and so I can find my sister, too. But a guy's gotta have his priorities straight . . . and after all, what did those damn koorime ever do for me? Oh well, since I'm such a magnanimous, well-bred, _good-hearted_ gentleman, I'm willing to bury the hatchet. 

Note to self: Look up that guy I was trying to kill last year. If I try to steal the Three Treasures with only Gouki's help, we're dead. What he doesn't know about stealth and subtlety could fill the entire collection of the Encyclopedia Britannica. What was that guy's name again . . . ? Damn. I told him I'd remember.

Day 5:

Finally remembered his name. Probably drunk too much sake at Gouki's wild party the other night. It was Kurama. Funny name. Going to go look him up in Ningenkai.

Day 6:

Kurama agreed, if he could have the Mirror of Utter Darkness. Probably just so he could admire his pretty face. How could I have forgotten his name? He's so attractive - and he knows it. That slut kept winking at me and flashing suggestive grins. Damn him! Resolve . . . weakening. Must remember . . . am cold, aloof, unavailable fire demon. Cold . . . aloof . . . unavailable . . . cold . . . aloof. . . unavailable....

Day 10:

Stole artifacts. I got the Sword, which can turn anything it pierces into a low-class demon. Gouki got the Orb so he could steal children's souls and stuff his face. Kurama got the Mirror . . . and when I suggested he use its powers to take over the world, he said he was backing out! That bastard! And when he walks out on us, some idiot ningen shows up, all cocky, and announces that he's a Spirit Detective sent to catch us. Screw him – I don't need to worry about a mere ningen. I don't know why Kurama did that! Wait . . . yes, I do. He's just playing around with my feelings! Shit! Shouldn't have been staring at him like that when he was doing that striptease to distract the guards of the artifacts . . .

Day 15:

When I caught up with Kurama the other day, he was taking his shirt off. I couldn't face him while he was bare-chested, so I slunk away. Damn kitsune! He knew I was there, and that was the only way he could get me to back off. As if he would be taking his shirt off in the middle of a forest for any other reason. Hn . . . the only comfort I have is that the stupid ningen who claimed to be one of Koenma's fools has killed Gouki – and hopefully Kurama will share his fate. I wonder if when he's dead, I'll stop visualizing that strong, muscular chest of his? Ugh . . . mental image coming back. Need . . . to be . . . strong. 

Day 17: 

Kurama isn't dead . . . from what I heard, he convinced Yusuke he was going to use the Mirror for a good purpose – that of saving his mother's life. He even got that blasted Spirit Detective to volunteer half his own life to save Shiori! Must have seduced him too . . . I swear, no one can resist that youko's charm! 

That Yusuke will be coming after me next. I'm going to kill him.

Day 25: 

Found out Yusuke has a girlfriend named Keiko (wonder how long that's going to last with Kurama in the picture?). I kidnapped her, and made several demons with the sword to hold her while I got Yusuke to come to my hideout. Out of pure spite, I cut Keiko with the sword. I'm feeling particularly hateful these days. Must be those stupid things called emotions . . . God, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to make Kurama suffer a painful, slow death!!!

Ok . . . need to calm down. Slow, deep breaths, that's it, Hiei. Anyways, Yusuke managed to beat me with sheer dumb luck. It's the hormones, I swear! They're throwing off my fighting skills!

To make things worse . . . Kurama showed up in the middle of our fight, and took a sword through the stomach for Yusuke. Then he threw his cursed blood over my Jagan. So he's partly the reason I lost. Too bad it didn't kill him.

Right now I'm sitting in a damn cold cell in Reikai, waiting for my punishment. My only comfort: Mr. Snuffles, my stuffed bunny that Koenma lent me. He's so huggable . . . and oh yeah, Kurama's being punished too! Hope he gets what he deserves. But he might try to seduce Koenma too – shit. If he does, he definitely won't fail.

Conclusion: Keiko lives, Yusuke lives, Kurama lives. I'm a prisoner of the royal brat. At least I know things can't get worse than this.

Day 30: 

Life sucks. My punishment: I'm being forced to help Yusuke on his missions for Reikai. Could things get worse? Yes, they could. That's Kurama's punishment too. I wish I could just die. 

As if that bigheaded ningen and that damnable kitsune aren't big enough problems, there's another member of our little "team." 

Kazuma Kuwabara. Stupidity incarnate. Not only is he ugly, coarse, and inept, he's even louder than Yusuke and more infuriating than Kurama. He just has to keep rubbing in my face that I'm – I'm – less than average height! I nearly broke down sobbing when he did that – after all the humiliating attempts Yusuke made to be friendly, after all the tortuous nudges and grins Kurama threw my way – it was just getting to be too much! 

I – I need a comforting shoulder to lean my head on – someone who will listen to my troubles and offer kind advice. I wish Koenma would let me have Mr. Snuffles back, but he said he belonged to Reikai and I couldn't keep him! _Must_ be strong – don't think about comforting shoulders to cry on . . . makes me want to throw my arms around Kurama spontaneously.

Um, where was I? Oh right. The mission. We're at Maze Castle right now. Some Saint Beasts are trying to take over Ningenkai, for some reason. And we're supposed to stop them, for an equally vague reason. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get killed in a way that doesn't look stupid or involve foxes.

__

Later, same day

We were at this gate, when the ceiling started to come down and we had to hold it up. Yusuke and Kurama told me to go flip the switch, since I'm the fastest, and when I was there, this eyeball-thingy told me to just leave them . . . which I was going to do anyway, but then Kurama turned on his charm and I got a blast of it. Damn, damn, damn. That youko's too sexy for his own good.

We met the first Saint Beast – this weird stone guy named Genbu. Kurama was the one who fought him. He knows he's making my life a living hell – during the battle he kept sending me meaningful glances after landing blows, or pained looks after he was hit. And that thing he has with roses . . . it's incredibly attractive. Realized I was showing too much of my feelings when Kuwabara whispered something to Yusuke while looking at me – I had been watching with my eyes wide with apprehension, while clutching my face. Noticed I need to trim my fingernails.

Kurama was hurt, even though he killed Genbu. Am torn with worry and hate. Hn. I'm sure that even if I don't do anything, he'll be well taken care of by Yusuke, who is acting extremely solicitous towards him. The funny thing is that Kuwabara seems to be immune to Kurama's charm – either that or Kurama thinks Kuwabara's ugliness isn't worth directing his attention to. Probably the latter.

__

Later

I have ample proof that Kuwabara is indeed, the stupidest person I have ever met. He volunteered to fight Byakko, the second Saint Beast. It took him so goddamn long to finally kill that freak! And he came so close to dying – he can't even do that right! I really need to work off my anger and frustration . . . I'll fight the next guy.

__

Still later

Ok . . . Kuwabara didn't even kill Byakko. The great, filthy (not to mention stinky) brute came in just when I was getting ready to fight Seiryuu, the third Saint Beast. Then Seiryuu killed Byakko for not managing to kill us. For some reason I was overcome with emotion and felt a strange urge to get Seiryuu for that. Must be the hormones again. Defeated him pretty easily.

__

Even later

After I beat Seiryuu, we came up against these disturbing vegetable people. Of course, since Yusuke's the hero and all, he had to go on ahead and beat the last guy. Leaving us to deal with the vegetable people. But to get him up to the tower, past the vegetable people, we had to stand on each other's shoulders and let him jump on us. That was, amazingly, my idea. Definitely not one of my better ones. I unfortunately had to stand on Kurama's shoulders and kept getting strong impulses to sit down, wrap my arms around his head, and bury my nose in his hair. But I resisted! I might be making my way to recovery! Wooohh!

__

The final "later"

Hmm . . . Yusuke defeated Suzaku, but I still think it's just because he's the luckiest bastard I've ever met. That and the fact that he always gets so much more powerful when his friends are in danger. Suzaku made the _big_ mistake of going after Keiko to get to Yusuke. Hn. I could have told him that wouldn't work, but nooo . . . I swear, even though he always manages to save her, she's the most troublesome sort of girlfriend you can get. The only good thing about her is that the image of her teary face got Yusuke's mind off that dirty little fox for a while.

Am glad that this mission is over, but have nasty feeling that another one is coming up soon. The longer I stay away from Kurama, the better. I think I have a chance of completely getting over him!

A/N: Well, Hiei's a lot more talkative than he seems, ne? ^_^;; I know he would kill me if he saw this . . .

This is divided into four parts: Part I features their diary entries from ep. 1-25, I believe, and Part II is from ep. 26-66 ,etc. and since they will each have a chapter for every part, there will be at least 16 chapters. I say "at least" because I'm considering adding some other people's diaries later on.

There might be some inconsistencies with the dates, ("Day 1, Day 2, etc.) if you care enough to actually make a timeline according to the dates I use. Also, "Day 1" will be different for each person, depending on where I think their story really starts. (or where it's most convenient for me) So any mistakes you might find . . . well, I try. 

-_-;;

Would it kill ya to review? ^___^


	2. Kurama's Diary I

"Dear Diary"

__

Part I

Kurama's Diary I

A/N: Same warnings apply here, except Kurama's diary may be a little more offensive to the squeamish than Hiei's was.

Day 1:

As I was going through my morning ritual today, I noticed a little spot of irritated skin that's a potential acne problem. In my helpless frustration, I took out my rage on the mirror, which now has a crack. Need to get a new mirror. Ningen bodies suck ass . . . back in Makai, when I had my much stronger, more muscular, and definitely sexier body I never had a single pimple in a thousand years. Why must I now suffer the horror that is blotchy, red, bacterial-infected skin??? 

I knew I shouldn't have gone to Yomi's wild party that night . . . if I hadn't had that massive hangover while I was staggering home, that hunter never would have shot me! Now that I think about it . . . Yomi must have spiked my drink! I wasn't only famous for being a thief – I won hell of a lot of money by winning bets on how much liquor I could hold.

But how did that old bastard know I was there? He's blind . . . shit, I remember now. I shouldn't have been singing karaoke at the top of my lungs earlier that evening . . .

Anyway, it's ok. Three girls approached me at school today to ask me out, and a guy came up to me on the street to declare his undying love for me. Told him I was a male. The guy yelled insanely that nothing could stand in the way of true love. Repeated slowly and clearly that I was a boy. He did a double take and gaped at me. Got out of there as fast as my good manners would allow me.

Oh yeah, still got it.

Day 2:

That short fire demon who tried to kill me a year ago showed up today with an interesting proposition. He wants me to join him and his friend in stealing the Three Treasures of Reikai. I was going to turn him down (I mean, being seen by anyone with this fashion-impaired midget is such a mortifying prospect) but then I remembered that one of the Three Treasures is a mirror. And not just any mirror either . . . this mirror grants any wish you desire when its power is released at the full moon.

When we get it, I'm either going to wish for split-end free hair, or a clear complexion. I've heard there's a price for the wish, though . . . better look that up. I mean, it's no good wishing for beautiful skin if it turns out the price is a horrible facial deformity.

Day 6:

Well, we got the artifacts, but I actually had to perform a striptease to distract the guards! Oh, the humiliation . . . it was Hiei's suggestion. That little bastard – I caught him goggling at me as I – er, as I removed a certain article of clothing. Need to watch out for him – Kaasan always said not to trust strangers who touch you in uncomfortable places, and well, Hiei was touching himself in rather compromising places.

As we were talking about the Treasures in a forest, some ningen who claimed to be a Spirit Detective showed up and challenged us. I just walked away . . . I couldn't stand the way Hiei was looking at me. (Can he use his Jagan to see through clothing?) I saw Hiei was following and did the only thing I could think of – I took my shirt off. Thankfully, he backed off. What if he didn't leave though? I shudder to think of what could have happened.

Now that I have the mirror, I intend to put it to good use. Only two girls approached me today with recitations of worshipful adoration. . . that little splotch of inflamed skin must be a turnoff. I've tried everything – from Kaasan's age-defying lotion to washing my face with egg yolk. But I'm still not quite sure what the price is.

Day 7:

Found out the price of the mirror is a life. I guess I'm not going to wish for good skin or perfect hair, because what good is it to me if I'm dead? Maybe I'll just wish for Kaasan to live . . . I do feel guilty about using her facial lotion. Yeah, I forgot to mention that she's in the hospital right now and close to death. Baka me.

I went to see the Spirit Detective who interrupted us the other day – I don't want to have gone to all that trouble and then have him kill me without even having saved my mother – and told him I'd give him the mirror in three days. That's when the moon is full.

Heard his name is Yusuke, and he killed Gouki. Hmph. Gouki deserved it for implying I was weak just because I look like a girl.

Day 10:

I'm alive!!! Yeah! Need to do a little victory dance . . . Hah, that Yusuke is so pathetic. I told him my life story, made up a few details to appeal to his sentimental side, and took him to see Kaasan. After that, he was willing to die for her. So it was all good.

I – wait, what was that black streak that just flashed past my window? Creepy . . . I'm locking my window. I wonder if Hiei's _stalking_ me? Oh god, he's even worse than I thought. I really need to be careful.

Day 11: 

Yusuke went after Hiei yesterday. When I found out, I was so eager to help him kill Hiei that I found them, and saved Yusuke's life by getting impaled through the stomach. At least I had the satisfaction of blinding Hiei temporarily by throwing my blood into his Jagan. Hiei didn't die . . . Yusuke's too much of a goody two-shoes, but at least he's going to be locked up.

Day 12:

Shit. It turns out that even though I used the Mirror for a good purpose and helped Yusuke, I'm still going to be punished. I'm in a cell in Reikai . . . and there are no mirrors, and Koenma won't agree to give me any hairstyling products – the horror! Kaasan always told me to be prepared for emergencies – oh, why didn't I pay any attention to her? My hair must look like hell now – and I'm sure this dark, clammy dungeon isn't working wonders for my complexion either.

More than personal hygiene, if it comes to having to seduce Koenma to let me out, it won't be as effective as if I was looking my best.

Day 13:

One day I'm going to take that damned pacifier of his and shove it down his slimy little throat. Tried to entice him last night – thought that with the dungeons being so dark, he wouldn't notice my lack of conditioning. As I was placing my hand subtly on his thigh and batting my eyelashes at him – he interrupted me contemptuously and announced that he wouldn't be entering puberty for another 2000 years or so and was therefore immune to my overt sexual advances. I've never been so embarrassed – except for that one time at school when I got a nosebleed during Family Life.

Wait a minute . . . if he's so free from worldly desires, then why does he always visit me in his teenage form? I'll file that under "Suspicions to be Investigated Later . . .." I suppose I should be grateful – imagine flirting with a toddler! That would look – oh my god – that would make me a _pedophile_! And – now that I think of it – I just hit on a guy today! Ok . . . am I – am I gay? Let's do a little test – visualize a curvy, scantily-clad harem woman. I feel something, right? Ok, now visualize a naked guy – oh jeez – I'm not getting turned on by that, am I???

The questionable nature of my sexual orientation, being kept in a cell in Reikai, being denied basic grooming supplies, and the biggie - being rejected for the first time in my life – there's no way life could get worse. Yeah, that's it, be optimistic . . .

Day 20:

Koenma's going to die!!! He's making me help Yusuke with his job as Reikai Tantei, which is bad enough since Yusuke's leering at me all the time (shouldn't have saved his life – I think ningens accept "he saved my life" as a valid reason to fall in love). To make matters worse, Hiei's also being punished this way! Firstly, he deserves a much more severe punishment than I do – and secondly, what am I going to do about the way he keeps trying to feel me up?

"Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't see, this castle is way too dark . . . I'm trying to feel my way around . . ." Sure . . . like anyone's going to believe that. 

Another nasty surprise: that boy who came up to me on the street with his eloquent confession is here as well! His name is Kazuma Kuwabara, and he seems to get well along enough with Yusuke, but Hiei hates his guts. 

Argh . . . it doesn't really matter what their external relationships are. What I need to focus on is that they're all after me! How could Koenma do this to me!? What if I get raped or something!?! Kaasan always said beauty came with a price – for the first time in my life, I wish I didn't look so hot, irresistible, desirable, sensual – and yeah, you get the picture. But I guess _I_ would make me mine . . . I'm just too sexy. I can't blame them.

__

Later

We're at this weird castle, which I forgot to mention since I was so nervous about the fact that everyone here wants me in their beds badly, to stop these Four Saint Beasts from taking over the world or something. Definitely not as important as my current predicament. 

Anyway, we were at this place called the Gate of Betrayal, and the ceiling started to come down. Of course, it being a perfect place to die, since if I was squashed flat, the others couldn't screw my corpse or whatever other perverted deeds they're capable of, I didn't really try to hold it up, although I pretended like I was. Yusuke told Hiei to go flip the switch, which would save us. I was very grateful Hiei was the fastest, because he's evil and would undoubtedly leave us here to die. That was when I made my big mistake – I looked him right in the eyes, full of gratitude that he would let me die, flat, untouched, and clean. So I didn't want to die a virgin in this human form, but dying untouched by these other three horny bastards is better than nothing. Hiei must have remembered that he couldn't screw me if I were squished like a bug, so he flipped the damn switch. 

Then later, I fought the first Saint Beast we came up against, a stone monster named Genbu. I thought, "How can I kill a guy made out of stone?" So I was sure to die, even if my first attempt had failed. Damned beast was just too stupid though . . . I killed him without having to try, though I did manage to get a deep cut through the abdomen – right where Hiei cut me before. If I'm lucky, I'll bleed to death. Better being dead than being alive stuck here with these lecherous perves.

__

Later

Second Saint Beast has been vanquished by Kuwabara. If only he had died . . . I mean, if all of them die, then I won't have to die to save myself.

__

Later

Hiei fought Seiryuu, the third guy. Apparently Byakko hadn't died, so when he came back to beg Seiryuu's help, Seiryuu killed him. In an unusual display of comradeship, Hiei vowed he would kill Seiryuu for not helping his cohort. I bet Hiei thinks that if he acts all noble and mighty, I'll fall in love with him. Hah! I can see through your deranged plan, you short, sad little man! There's no way I'm ever developing any affections for you!

__

Later

We're up against some weird vegetable soldiers – Cultivated Humans, I believe they're called – and we had to send Yusuke up ahead to defeat the last Saint Beast. He had to get up to this tower – and Hiei had another one of his _brilliant_ ideas. He suggested we stand on each other's shoulders so Yusuke could jump on us and up to the tower. And who do you think got to stand on my shoulders? I swear, I kept getting bad vibes from Hiei – bad vibes as in he wanted to start humping my head. Thank god, he refrained from doing whatever sick and twisted acts his rampant hormones were suggesting.

__

Aren't you just getting tired of all the "laters"?

So Yusuke beat Suzaku. Probably only because he kidnapped Yusuke's girlfriend, Keiko. Which strangely enough, happened only a short while ago with Hiei. Gotta feel sorry for the poor girl. Seems everyone's after her too. I know how that feels. At least this mission is over. Everyone keeps looking at me. And not in a good way. In the way that hungry people look at their Big Macs.

A/N: I briefly toyed with the idea of writing Kurama's diary as the predatory, lust-filled youko that Hiei made him out to be, but then realized I just couldn't do that to itooshi's character . . . and I'm sure you've noticed that his version differs greatly from Hiei's. Hehe . . . but we all know who's telling the truth, ne? Because the one who's lying is suffering from delusions produced by his poor demented love-starved mind. We ought to pity him.

So an apology to all KxH lovers, but I really don't support that ship. 

And Yusuke and Kuwabara . . . are they really after Kurama? Or is poor Kura-chan being a little paranoid? Well, knowing me, what do you think?

I'm already pretty sure that I'll be doing a chapter featuring Karasu during Part II (the Ankoku Bujutsukai) but I don't really know who else I should feature. Any ideas? Please tell me which part his/her diary should be in, because I don't really think that I will be doing other people's diaries throughout the entire thing.

I just love C&C, so won't you plz give me some? n_n


	3. Kuwabara's Diary I

"Dear Diary"

__

Part I

Kuwabara's Diary I

Day 1:

Damnit, today was an shitty day! First I told this beautiful girl on the street that I loved her, and then found out she was a guy . . . my manly pride was wounded by such a blind mistake . . . so I had the need to take out my anger on something. At that moment, Urameshi happened along. Aha, I thought, perfect, I can beat him up.

He beat the hell out of me. For the 201st time. The only good thing is, my friends can't count . . . they think it's the 156th time he's beat me, and I guess Urameshi can't count either. 

Day 2:

Ooh . . . today turned out a little better. Urameshi got run over by a car yesterday, which kind of depressed me – he beat me up one time and stole several hundred yen! Now he can't pay me back! And I worked so hard for that money too – this punk from another school paid it to me if ran around his school with a pair of pink briefs over my head mooing loudly. So I staggered to his wake cursing and crying – I've never had more money at any time in my life! But Okubo, Sayamura, and Kirishima dragged me away before I could force Urameshi's mother to pay up.

Anyway, if he's dead, he won't be able to beat me up anymore, which is good, and there was something else. I kinda don't really remember what happened, but this beautiful girl was hugging me really tightly! Hehe . . . so she slapped me really hard and then ran away, but you know how shy girls are. It's the first time anyone's ever hugged me willingly! I knew that girls wouldn't be able to resist my masculine charm for too long – it's probably only the first of many times girls will be unable to keep their hands off me in public.

I feel so moved by this experience that I'm gonna write a poem. Lots of people don't know I write poetry, because I have to maintain my tough guy image, but I appreciate beautiful things too.

__

Ode to Joy

__

Some girl came up to me today

And she hugged me

But then she ran away.

Maybe because my armpits are stinky?

__

But hey, who cares, because Urameshi's dead!

Even though I lost the money

From running around with briefs on my head

I'm feeling fine and sunny!

Day 3:

Found out that girl was Urameshi's girlfriend, Keiko. It's a good thing he's dead – he'd probably beat the hell out of me if he found out I touched her, but I saw some assholes picking on her today, so me and my friends saved her.

That's when Akashi, my screwed teacher came up and said if we got into any more fights, he'd take away Okubo's license to work. I was going to keep fighting anyway, but then I figured I could get Okubo to pay me the money Urameshi owed me. 

Later, I got ambushed by some jerks, who I couldn't fight against because of my frigging promise. Damn, it hurts like hell! Akashi's got it in for me ever since I caught him snogging with Iwamoto after school that day. That was hella funny . . . I think Akashi's huge front teeth were causing problems for Iwamoto . . . if I'd gotten pictures, then maybe getting beaten up would have been worth it.

Day 4:

Got my ass kicked by even more guys . . . this sucks. As if it weren't enough that now my face is so horribly bruised that no girl in her right mind would even look at me, Akashi's decided that I have to get 50% on the next test. Last time I got a shitty 7%. I need to pass! I need Okubo's money damnit!

I'm going to spend all night studying – a first.

Day 5:

Studying wasn't so bad. I fell asleep halfway through, so I didn't have to suffer that much. Then I had a weird dream that Urameshi was helping me study – ha! As if. He only got 5% better than me on that last test!

But then Akashi told me I failed the test by just one question. That lying piece of shit had erased one of my answers! I was going to punch him, but then I felt this hella weird feeling – like Urameshi was telling me not to. I froze – I mean, Urameshi haunting me is the last thing I want – when Takenaka interrupted and told me that I passed. Wooh! I think Takenaka's had a grudge against Akashi for a long time because deep down he's got a thing for Iwamoto too. Scary.

Day 6:

I was punching this bag with Urameshi's face drawn on it (yup, I'm not only a poet, I'm also an artist) when I got this nasty freaky feeling, and then I saw smoke coming from Urameshi's neighborhood. His house was on fire, and Keiko, his gorgeous girlfriend, was dragging something out of it. So I ran in to help her, figuring if nothing else, it would be a good chance to touch her, maybe even feel her up.

It turned out she was carrying Yusuke's body! It's kinda sick . . . I couldn't believe they hadn't buried that ugly bastard yet – but then I found out he's still alive somehow. I wonder why he's not dead – but it doesn't matter because now I can make him pay up!

Day 7:

Whoa, I had a helluva freaky dream last night. I dreamed . . . that I was kissing Urameshi! Ugh! Nasty! I feel . . . so unclean! I woke up screaming. Oh god, I'd rather get beaten up a million times than go through that kind of torture again!

And then I was in the arcade, trying to keep my mind off that by playing a game, when I got this horrible feeling – a cold, funny feeling – and the weird instinct that someone was telling me to kiss them!

I got out of there as fast as I could.

Day 8:

Oh my god! Someone stole Eikichi! My beloved kitty! I'm nothing without her! It was that bastard Sakamoto, and he made me steal mangas for him before he would give her back. I didn't want to steal them because I stole a lot of things from that store already, and I didn't want to get in trouble again, so I just bought them. (I swear that the store clerk recognized me though and made me pay double price) Then he found the receipt and got mad, so he told me to get on my knees and beg forgiveness. I did that, because I was so worried about Eikichi – she's the first female who ever gave me unconditional love! - but then we all went outside and he told me to beat up my friends. I didn't want to do that because I knew they'd all be after me if I did that, even though they said all these brave things like, "Go ahead, Kuwabara, we can take it."

Liars! All of them! Anyway, Sakamoto was going to kill Eikichi, when Yusuke showed up and then we beat the crap out of Sakamoto and his friends . . . hehe.

I feel a poem coming on . . . 

__

My Adorable Kitty

My cat Eikichi is so cute

I love her more than anything

(Except maybe girls with large chests)

But she comes very close

She has a special place in my heart.

Ooh . . . that one's deep. I think I'll put it in my exclusive collection: "The Best of Kuwabara."

Day 12:

Those weird feelings I got were just too creepy, so I went to go see this old psychic named Genkai. She turned out to be this tiny little hag with a bad attitude. A whole bunch of other people were there – some crap about her passing on her powers, and people wanting to be her disciples. Hell, I just wanted to get rid of those freaky vibes!

Urameshi was there, too. He claimed he was there to investigate this demon who wanted her powers. Suuure. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but I'm not retarded. 

We all had to pass some test involving red paper, which I didn't want, but I did. 

Then the old lady made us play a bunch of games, which she said was another test. Uhuh. Yeah, well, then she made us fight our way through this evil forest. Finally, there's like ten people left after her grueling tortures, and then she makes us fight each other.

While I was fighting this one guy I discovered I had magical powers! Hehe, I can make this big blazing sword appear out of my hands! And then later I find out there really is an evil demon at the tournament, when he shrinks me and breaks my arm. Damn, that was painful!

Then Yusuke had to fight him, and he almost died (again), which I couldn't have because he _still_ hasn't given me the money, so I went out of my body (a helluva freaky feeling) and told him to get off his lazy ass.

So Urameshi won the damn tournament, and then Genkai made me go home without giving me help on the creepy vibes I get. The whole thing was a waste. Although I did meet this pretty girl named Botan, who I asked to marry me. She still hasn't given me an answer yet. Ah well. Girls need time for big decisions like these.

Day 25:

I met Yusuke after he was done with Genkai's damn training, so he couldn't avoid me when I asked for my money. But then his bitchy girlfriend was there, and I didn't want to piss her off, so I let it go. We were going to see a movie together, when Urameshi took off. I followed him (he's a sneaky one) and he claimed we were being followed. There were these scary people with blue skin, who we had to fight.

And then Botan showed up, and told us about this Spirit World crap. She said some Beasts were trying to take over the world using bugs that crawl inside people's mouths. I wanted to ask her what she thought about my proposal, but she seemed to think that this was more important. We headed to this warehouse, where there was a hole in the floor. It was green and funny-looking, and I didn't really want to go jump in there, even though I was going to follow Urameshi no matter where he went, because, damnit, he owes me hundreds of yen!

But at that moment, he remembered we ditched Keiko. I freaked out – I mean, getting beaten up by Urameshi is bad enough, I don't need to be on his girlfriend's hit list too – and jumped.

He came after me, and we landed in this weird haunted town, and then these zombies started popping out of the ground like daisies! 

I was really upset because I would be dying: a) without my money b) without being published (my secret ambition!) and c) without hearing an answer from Botan.

Then, these two people appeared. And horror of horrors, one of them was that suspicious looking "guy" who I proposed to the day Urameshi died. I was so embarrassed . . . but it kind of looks like he's forgotten. I mean, he seems to be focusing all his attention on Yusuke, even though Urameshi already has Keiko . . . I mean, all the attention he can spare from himself. He's a conceited, self-absorbed little prat. As evidenced from his constantly asking questions about his appearance: "How's my hair? Does it look okay? Do I have green stuff between my teeth? Is this a zit? What do you think I should do with my skin?"

Okay, so he was thoughtful enough to point out to me once, "Kuwabara, you've got really dry hair. It looks chemically damaged. Do you dye it?"

Which led to Hiei snickering something that sounded suspiciously like: "It would explain the garishly bright color."

Speaking of Hiei. He's short, ugly as hell, and really mean, but he seems to like Kurama (girly guy) a lot. It's kind of disturbing to see how Kurama can reduce this seemingly heartless bastard to a quivering mass of jelly with just one look. And sad too, since it's so obvious that Kurama's interested in Yusuke. Damn, it's a fucking love triangle! 

After those two helped us kill all the walking dead, we came to this gate where we were going to be squished, since the ceiling came down and we had to hold it up. There was a switch to flip, and this demented eyeball thing kept cackling about how one of us would betray the others, blah, blah, blah. Yusuke told Hiei to go because he's supposedly the fastest. I thought that was hella stupid because Hiei's evidently dark, evil, and destructive. But I guess Yusuke was relying on Hiei's unrequited love for Kurama, and it worked, because all Kurama had to do was give one of his looks, and Hiei just about melted. He almost got crushed by the boulder, which I bet Yusuke was planning on too, since Hiei couldn't see it in the back where he was, but I did. Yusuke probably wanted to get rid of the competition, but Kurama doesn't seem to be giving a second thought to Hiei. Hiei would have died if the damn eyeball mutant hadn't told him about it! Damnit!

...

We just came against the first Saint Beast, this stone guy named Genbu. Kurama fought him, and was injured, but not too badly. The way Hiei keeps biting his nails and staring nervously at him, you'd think Kurama was convulsing violently in apoplectic fits and coughing up blood. For that matter, when I pointed out Hiei's excessive concern to Yusuke, he wasn't really listening; he was watching Kurama with wide eyes. God, what's so fascinating about that wuss?! He wears pink clothes, waist-length hair that reeks of flowers and perfume, and glittery lip gloss, damnit! If you need to be a crossdresser to get a little attention around here, I'm just going to go throw myself off a bridge.

...

Feeling the need to prove my stalwart manliness in comparison to Kurama's extreme femininity, I boldly took up the next fight. It was some big hairy dude named Byakko. I killed him in an amazing display of strength and bravery. Hah! I'm so much better than that wimpy mama's boy!

...

Apparently, Hiei had the urge to look masculine to raise himself in Kurama's eyes, so he volunteered to fight the next one pompously. He killed Seiryuu in the end, but I could have finished him off much more quickly. I don't think anything that Hiei does is going to make Kurama like him . . . he's so damn short and freaky. In fact, I made up a poem about him. Here goes:

__

Hiei

Hiei is a short little turd

He's so ugly that it's absurd

He made me mad

Cuz he said I was sad

And then he called me a bad word.

Yup, that pretty much represents my feelings toward him. Hate, resentment, anger, and, uh . . . more hate! 

...

After Hiei killed Seiryuu, we came up against an army of more zombies, and of course Yusuke had to go ahead to fight the last person, because he'd got the desire to look manful and virile to Kurama as well. So Hiei, being the _ingenious_ strategist that he is, said we should all stand on each other's shoulders so Yusuke could use us as a ladder to the tower where the Fourth Saint Beast was. And, Hiei also being the kind person that he is, generously let me stand on the bottom, and let everyone else stand on top of me. Oh, the pain . . . I swear I'll get revenge someday!

...

Well, Yusuke defeated Suzaku. I'm so glad this mission is over; I can't stand being with these sappy, lovesick guys drooling over each other. (Hmm . . . it's actually Yusuke and Hiei drooling over Kurama, and Kurama mooning over himself) And I don't think Botan's going to say yes. I feel alone . . . I need a hug. But I know I'll find true love someday! No one can resist the valiant charm of Kazuma Kuwabara!

__

A/N: Will Kuwabara ever find his true love? Will he ever be published? (Hehe, I seriously doubt it) And will he ever get his money back? So many unanswered questions . . .


	4. Yusuke's Diary I

"Dear Diary"

__

Part I

Yusuke's Diary I

Day 1:

Nothing feels more satisfying than beating the crap out of your most hated rival. Kuwabara's so sad . . . this is like, what, the 201st time I've beaten him? He's so dumb he thinks it's the 156th, but I'll just let him go on believing that, to spare him some dignity. If he has any left.

Day 2:

I've always known school was evil. Now I have my proof: I went to school yesterday. I died yesterday! Oh well. Now I can haunt people! Muahahaha!

__

Later

Who would have guessed that Grim Reapers were cute blue-haired chicks? Can't wait till I get to hell. It seems that I actually did something good for once in my life when I saved that little brat's life. Botan (blue-haired chick on oar) says that I might get a chance to come back to life. Which is pretty cool, I guess, but then I won't get to ogle all the hot girls in the afterlife.

Day 3:

Told Botan the reason I might not want to come to life. She slapped me, called me a perve, and said there were no cute girls in the afterlife. Just a lot of dead people. When I'm alive, I get slapped by pretty girls. When I'm dead, I get slapped by pretty girls. What's the difference?

Anyway, she took me to see Koenma, the all-mighty, powerful, wise ruler of Reikai – who turns out to be a toddler. Sure, he _claims_ to be potty-trained . . . but then how do you explain the questionable lump in the seat of his pants? After he yelled at me a bit for laughing at him, he gave me an egg. Yup. An egg. No magical elixirs, no mystical spells. An egg – so it's golden, but it's not like I can sell it. Then he said that it'd feed off my spiritual energy or something like that, and hatch something. If I radiate evil, then it'll hatch a monster that will eat me. What kind of sham are they running down there?

Day 4: 

Damn, this is boring. Botan won't let me out of her sight for a minute, which means I can't go spy on Keiko when she's in the shower. But she did let me get into Keiko's dreams, to tell her I was coming back to life. What I really want is to get inside her pants, but I guess I'll have to wait till I've got a body again.

Day 5:

Keiko doesn't place much importance on her dreams – I guess I wouldn't either if I dreamed mutant sticks of broccoli were coming to get me when I was four – but this is a matter of life and death, damnit! 

So that's when Botan allowed me to get into someone's body to tell her personally. I chose Kuwabara, because for some strange reason, Keiko likes to show her affection for me by inflicting pain, and, well, I can never pass up an opportunity to hurt Kuwabara.

I went into Kuwabara's body, found Keiko, and told her I wasn't dead. It wasn't a wasted effort – I got to grope her chest and hug her, hehe. And then when I went out of Kuwabara, I got to see her punch him. That was extremely gratifying.

Day 6:

Apparently Kuwabara is in trouble with Akashi. He had to promise not to fight, or Akashi would revoke Okubo's license to work. Then Akashi told him he had to get at least 50% on the next test as well. I felt sorry for Kuwabara, because he got beaten up pretty badly, and decided to help him study for the test. Okay, so what I actually wanted is for Kuwabara to get the money from Okubo so I won't have to pay him (I spent all of it on a bunch of Playboys), but hey, it'll look like a good deed to everyone else, and I don't think the golden egg will be hurt by it.

Day 7:

Why does everyone from Reikai look like a toddler? This little girl named Sayaka came to see if anyone cared if I came back to life. Of course they care! Keiko can't live without me, I owe Kuwabara money, and my mom's getting extra unemployment money because she has a kid. See how needed I am? Sayaka eventually understood, and I think I'm going to get to come back to life pretty soon.

Day 8:

I almost lost my chance to come back to life! That hella freaked me out – Keiko seems to understand how much she loves me now that I'm gone – everyone took me for granted. There was a pyromaniac running loose who set my house on fire, where my body was. Keiko rushed in to save me, and she almost died. Kuwabara showed up later as well – damn, I was hoping he'd got the money from his friend. 

Anyway, Koenma told me that Keiko would die if I didn't do something. He told me to throw my egg into the fire to save her, which would mean that I couldn't come to life, because I need it. I hesitated a little – I'm not a masochist, and Keiko hurts me more than it's worth sometimes – but then I decided that if I didn't save her, she'd die and come hurt me in the afterlife. 

Sometimes I wonder if Keiko is consciously a sadist. Better look into it before I pursue the relationship further.

Day 8:

Koenma's such a bastard. He told me someone needed to kiss me for me to come to life, and he let me get into the dreams of the three people who want me back the most. Mom was too stoned to be any good, so then there's Kuwabara. I had no choice – I had to send him a dream where he was kissing me – god, it was just wrong. Especially since he seemed to be enjoying it.

And thankfully, there's also Keiko. I sent her a dream too, and she came through, though just barely. She looked really happy to see me. Seems that being dead for several days can do wonders for your sex appeal.

Day 9:

It's great to be alive again! One of the first things I did was to find Kuwabara and give him a nasty shock, and I wanted to ask him about that suspicious reaction he seemed to be having during that sick dream. I found him groveling before this guy who was laughing at him and teasing him about someone named Eikichi. That's when I found out Eikichi is Kuwabara's pet kitten. I swear there's something seriously wrong with him.

It was just so pathetic . . . the guy, Sakamoto, told him to beat up his friends, and he refused. Kuwabara's always had a twisted sense of honor. I think he claims it's because he's a gentleman.

So I jumped in and beat up the other guys because I recognized Sakamoto. He cheated me – I bought the Playboys from him at a ridiculous price, and I saw the chance to get back at him. Like I would help Kuwabara for any other reason. 

I chased Sakamoto down this alley, where a little demon thing came out of his ear. I'm totally grossed out! And then that's when this fortune-teller lady who I met earlier shows up, and guess who, it's Botan. She gives this big, dramatic speech about how I've become a Spirit Detective and need to do missions for Reikai now. I'm like . . . okaaay. But then she tells me that I'll meet some incredibly sexy people on the job. So I signed up.

Day 10:

I had to go back to school, and Iwamoto was in the middle of framing me for a theft when Koenma came and told me I was to receive my first mission. Turns out Iwamoto was the guilty party, and not only did I manage to put the blame on him, but Koenma showed me this cool power that I had. I can focus my spirit energy into my index finger and shoot it like a gun. Mwaha! I knocked Iwamoto out with one blast, then ran out to meet Koenma.

He told me that there were these three demons who'd stolen three Treasures from Reikai: a mirror, a sword, and a ball. Then he told me they were downtown, which was a big help. I mean, there's only about a few thousand average citizens milling around downtown Tokyo on any given afternoon. But then I saw this kid faint, and a wispy white thing came out of his mouth. I followed it, and came to this creepy ugly guy with horns. That's when these punks ambushed me.

I beat them up, but I wasted a lot of time, and I thought I lost the guy. It started raining, to boot, but then I saw this patch of light filtering through the clouds to an area in the forest. My instincts told me to check it out, and I saw these three people talking. One was short and demented, and he kept swinging this sword around drunkenly. Definitely reminded me of Kuwabara. 

Another was the ugly guy I saw first, and he was babbling about how good it was to eat children's souls – honestly, some people can't ever think about anything other than their stomachs.

The third guy/girl (heh, I couldn't really tell) seemed to be really depressed, and I could feel fear too. He/she left after the short one said something to her/him, which made the short one mad, and he followed the androgynous person.

I was hella mad because everyone was walking out on me. Actually, now that I think about it, if the deranged short guy had been leering at me the way he had been at Mysterious Gender Person, I would have ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction. At least the big guy, named Gouki, stayed. We fought, interspersed with commentary about the types of cuisine he liked, and I had to run. I'm pretty badly hurt – he got me in the groin. I hope my equipment's not damaged . . .

Day 11:

Botan made me go fight the big scary person again, and I wasn't even fully recovered. But I beat him this time, and then went looking for the other two. The, er, curiously in-between person, who I think might be a guy, came up to me and said he/she would return the mirror in three days. That's good – one less person that I have to fight.

Day 14:

The person who I couldn't tell whether it was a guy or a girl is a guy, and his name is Kurama. He said he stole the mirror because it grants you any wish on the full moon, and he wanted to wish his mother well, since she had some fatal disease. Kurama told me his whole life story over a cup of tea – how he used to be a youko, but then his first mother sold him on the black market for pictures of Tom Felton in tight leather pants. [1] Whoever he is. Anyway, some mean and evil demon lord bought him and forced him to dance the hokey-pokey for him at meals in a pink leotard for his perverted personal entertainment. Then he was shot running an errand for above-mentioned sick freak and his soul fled to Ningenkai, where someone finally loved him for who he was. It was such a sad story . . . I was crying my eyes out at certain parts, and I had this overwhelming urge to give Kurama a warm and fuzzy hug. God knows he deserves it.

But then I remembered the other guy (Hiei) leering at him, and felt that now was not a good time to initiate physical contact with Kurama. Anyway, I volunteered half of my life so he wouldn't die when the mirror granted him his wish (that's the price to pay), and we saved his ningen mother. I still feel so touched . . . my heart's just bleeding for him.

Day 15:

Fought Hiei today. He was extremely arrogant, and kept bragging about how fast he was. He just never shut up! Again, he weirdly reminds me of Kuwabara. It was hella annoying, but I got him in the end. That asshole had the nerve to kidnap Keiko and try to turn her into a demon, but I had Botan with me, and she helped stop that from happening. Also, Kurama showed up and saved my life by getting stabbed in the stomach in my stead. 

I thought that was amazingly sweet. I get a funny tingle every time I look at Kurama. He's so cute sometimes . . . it's really too bad Keiko's murderously possessive.

Day 17: 

Koenma sent me on this mission to find a demon named Rando who wanted to inherit a powerful psychic woman's powers. Genkai (aforementioned psychic) was this old bitchy hag, who made everyone go through all these tests to see if they were worthy of her powers. After the crowd had been eliminated to about ten fighters, we all fought each other to decide the winner. Kuwabara discovered some interesting powers: a big sword made of his spirit energy, which he swings around pretty gracelessly. There is _definitely_ an uncanny resemblance between him and Hiei.

He came up against Rando, and the demon broke his arms, which was kinda funny, but I had to stuff my fist into my mouth to keep from laughing, because Botan was there, and Kuwabara had proposed to her. If she likes him (which I seriously doubt, but hey, it's amazing Kuwabara's still alive) it wouldn't do for her to see me sniggering at him.

I beat Rando, even though it was an exceedingly painful process. I thought, woot, I got the tickets to go see Tokyo Dome! But then that old bat says I'm going to have to spend the next six months training with her. Life sucks. 

Day 18:

Free at last from her damn training! [2] I swear, she was trying to kill me or something! I mean, locking me in a room with a TV that played nothing but educational children's shows with sickeningly sentimental songs for a week? I almost went mad in there! And she said it was supposed to build up my resolve or something . . . all it did was teach me the lyrics to "Hammy's Happy House."

Almost instantly, I found Keiko, and then Kuwabara showed up, no doubt hoping to get the money out of me. It's unbelievable – he's remembered for over six months now! I even find it hard to believe that he can remember to breathe at certain times.

He probably didn't dare ask me in front of Keiko though – he knows what it's like to be on the receiving end of her wrath. We were going to see a movie, when I noticed these freaky guys stalking us. I went away with Kuwabara, and we drew them into a corner, where we beat them up.

Botan came and told us about this problem Reikai was having with some Four Saint Beasts. I really didn't want to go. Kuwabara insisted on knowing everything, and then he decided he was going when we remembered that we just abandoned Keiko. I freaked out too, and went in to the Saint Beast place after him. Damn Koenma!

We landed in the middle of a village where these monsters started coming out of the ground like in cheesy movies called _The Night of the Living Dead._ Kuwabara was so scared he was wetting his pants. Really, I saw the stains!

Anyway, I was doing all the fighting, since Kuwabara was just standing there and screaming like a girl, when Hiei and Kurama showed up. It seems their punishment is to join us in our little team.

I was really glad to see Kurama again – and I think he was too. Kuwabara and Hiei are interesting . . . I think there's some definite chemistry between them, but they're both so stubborn and thick, they're not admitting anything. I think Kuwabara's scared that he might be gay. He's in denial. Sad.

I'm bisexual, and I don't see anything wrong with it. Strategically, it doubles my chances. Hehe . . .

Things with Kurama might work out fine if I can find a way to dtich Keiko without having her hire assassins to kill me. Actually, she might just do it herself, but that's beside the point. Hiei's not leering at Kurama anymore now that Kuwabara is here to occupy his attention. It's almost cute, really. The two lovebirds who are infatuated with each other but are both too stupid to realize it. It's kind of like some deranged Disney movie. At the end, everyone will go "Awwww" and melt into puddles when they finally realize that they're perfect for each other.

Kurama's not only a fashion guru (he's enlightened me on the many methods for taking ten pounds off my appearance), but he's also an excellent fighter. He killed Genbu, the first of the Saint Beasts, using a rose, which I thought was so romantic. Hiei seemed to find it interesting as well, but I'm not worrying because it's so obvious that he and Kuwabara have formed a rather solid attachment to each other. It's really sweet, but their difference in heights may present a problem whenever Kuwabara wants to try out new positions with Hiei. (Don't ask me how, but he knows a _lot_ of them) I foresee many hospital visits in the future every time Kuwabara decides to get a little "frisky."

Kuwabara fought this beast named Byakko. I always knew he was a poor fighter, why can't he just admit it? Hiei seemed to notice as well, and he offered a lot of criticism, but I could tell that when he's nervous, he just gets even surlier. He's one of those people. Anyone can tell he's infatuated with Kuwabara to care so much. It's plain to see that they're just meant to be. After all, they fight like a married couple. [3]

Hiei just fought Seiryuu, the third guy. We're on our way up to fight the Saint Beasts' leader, and I don't know what's happening, but everyone seems to be going mad. Hiei keeps muttering, "Need . . . to be . . . strong," and Kuwabara is chanting words like, "Bird, heard, curd," etc. Definitely weird. I know I'm fine, and it seems like Kurama's okay too, unless you count the way he obsesses over a fingernail he broke while fighting Genbu. But then, with the perfect manicure that he has, I guess I would be hysterical if I broke a nail too.

I just fought Suzaku, the Fourth Saint Beast. He sent some people to kill Keiko, which was kind of convenient – if she's dead, then I'll be free to hook up with Kurama. But he had everything in Ningenkai on a screen, and as I watched, she hissed to herself, "Yusuke, you better save me somehow or I'm going to make sure you suffer deeply for the next five hundred years."

Knowing full well that this was no idle threat, I had no choice but to kill Suzaku. He subjected me to some pretty painful tortures, but I know that it's ten times better than anything Keiko could do to me. I'll just have to find some other way to get rid of her. For now, I'll pretend I still love her.

Hopefully Koenma will send us all off on a mission soon. I need Kurama . . . I don't feel complete without him.

A/N: Yay, Yusuke's chapter is done! On to Part II! Part II will probably take more time to complete, as I'm not very familiar with it and will need to do a bit of research. Thanks to Cartoon Network's endless reruns of Part I, I didn't need help with it. Anyone who has seen the entire Part II (from Yukina to end of Ankoku Bujutsukai) or has read the manga and remembers the details, your help will be greatly appreciated! Email me at darkmoonlessnite@yahoo.com if you want to help. (Please!) And I should also note that I will be needing help for Parts III and IV as well.

Belated thanks go out to my many lovely reviewers who are too free with their praise and far too lenient in their criticism.

[1] Heh, this line came from someone on one of the HP mailing lists I'm on, and I couldn't resist. Her exact words were, "I'd sell a baby on the black market for photos of Tom Felton in black leather." For those who don't know, Tom Felton plays Draco Malfoy in the movies, lol. 

[2] I realize that I didn't allow for a six month delay between Yusuke's entries, but that would have thrown my crude timeline off. Forgive me for that and other mistakes.

[3] This line is Rose Thorne's; she gave me permission to use it in "The Torture Room of Badfics," where it was not used. If you have any objections now, contact me and I will obligingly remove it. ^^ 


	5. Karasu's Diary I

"Dear Diary"

Part II

__

Karasu's Diary I

****

Warning: DON'T READ IF PREVIOUS CHAPTERS SQUICKED YOU.

Day 1:

Since Toguro Ani has been nagging at me for ages to change my appearance, I went and got a complete makeover. He claimed that the whole rainbowy tie-dye thing was _so_ fifties, so I went for the chic gothic dark look. That wasn't enough for him though. He forced me to get rid of my purple afro in favor of sleek long black locks. I guess the change hasn't been so bad – people keep ogling me, and I was propositioned by no less than fourteen youkai yesterday. Bui also seems to be seeing me in a whole different light.

Day 2:

Seems that Ani wanted me to look my best for the tournament thing that his brother has signed us up for, and I suppose I have to admit that the whole hippie 'peace-loving-tree-hugging-vegetarian' thing is a lot less intimidating than the pale-undead-vampirish look. 

The hotel we're staying in is nice . . . I like the room service. Better watch my calories though – last time we came to one of these things, I gained ten pounds when I splurged on the eclairs.

Note to self: Make sure I tell Bui exactly when I'm taking a shower so he can't "accidentally" burst in on me. Damn cheap locks.

Day 3:

Whole team was extremely bored, so Otouto suggested a game of Spoons. [1] I _hate_ it when we play these games – I always lose, and then they make me do the can-can in fishnet stockings, or something equally demeaning.

When we were playing, Ani wasn't sitting on Otouto's shoulders – I mean, how sanitary is that arrangement? I understand brotherly love and all that (I loved my own brother so much I pushed him off a cliff; unfortunately, sister dearest wasn't so lucky), but it still just looks . . . wrong.

Bui got four of something and grabbed one of the spoons, and then since I was contemplating the attractions of moving north, opening a shop, and becoming the neighborhood candy peddler, I was the last one to grab a spoon. Otouto, who's always been a little slow, seized my hand and squashed it. Being of a possessive nature, I wasn't about to let go, but when my hand started turning an interesting shade of purple and I heard a disturbing _pop!_ I let go. 

He smirked at me and got into a discussion with his little brother about what cruel and unusual punishment they should inflict on me this time. I dropped my poor, crushed hand into my lap and tried to flex my fingers (which I could not feel). Bui, who has been acting strangely nice towards me ever since I got my makeover, reached for my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

At least, I think he was reaching for my hand.

Day 4:

This time, they made me go down into the hotel lobby to randomly point at people while singing this song about "Daddy." I think it had something to do with one of Toguro Otouto's masturbatory trips down memory lane . . . he also insisted upon having my hair plaited, which Bui only too willingly obliged him in. 

Great. Now I can't stop humming. 

"_Daddy . . . Daddy wasn't there . . . to take me to the fair . . . to change my underwear. Daddy . . . Daddy wasn't there . . . when I was criticized, ostracized, when I was cir – cum – cised . . ." _ [2]

All of a sudden that gives me bad mental images. Good God . . . 

Day 5:

Went into the bar to get outrageously pissed . . . now, wherever I go, people snicker behind their hands when they see me . . . it's quite depressing. Found out that they've set up a betting ring. Interestingly enough, one of the things to bet on was: _Karasu (of Team Toguro) will finally get laid and stop being such a stiff-necked bastard. 1: 1,000_

Obviously Otouto's handiwork . . . he's just jealous that I'm so much sexier than him. Sure, he has huge muscles, but when they're so big that they look inflatable, it gets to be a turnoff.

I suggested to the bartender that they add: _Otouto (Captain of Team Toguro) will finally be able to afford to have that pole surgically removed from his ass. 1: 1,000,000_

Then, not wanting it to look like what Toguro said was true, I put a couple hundred yen on myself.

I also noticed that there were a lot of bets being placed on a certain Kurama of Team Urameshi. (_Kurama will screw Hiei. 1: 10, Kurama will screw Yusuke. 1: 20, Kurama will screw Kuwabara. 1: 100, 000, 000)_

I feel sorry for this Kurama person.

Day 6:

Went down into the bar again. They have cheap liquor that tastes like shit, but damnit, I need alcohol! I met the infamous Kurama, who seems to be really nice and undeserving of such unkindness. I told him how sad my life was (I'm Toguro's lackey for the rest of my life), and he told me his life story as well. It makes mine seem like a fairytale – he was born a youko to abusive parents who sold him to a brothel, where he was subjected to the perverted whims of countless youkai, and then, with cunning and ingenuity, he finally escaped. Only to then be shot by a hunter, but he was clever enough to flee to Ningenkai and be born to a loving mother. And then things take a turn for the worse again. He's forced to work for Koenma, with a bunch of lechers who keep trying to feel him up, and now he's at this tournament.

It was so touching . . . he's been through so much, and he's still so sweet and strong. We spent a while drinking and doing "male-bonding," and what seems especially cool is that when I told him about the mean joke that Otouto subjected me to (the one implying that I have trouble finding bed partners – which I don't, thank you very much), he smiled and put money down on that. He said, "I believe that you don't have any trouble getting laid." 

I wonder if he was insinuating anything . . .

Day 7:

Met Kurama down at the bar again – I don't really have any interest in watching the fights, and our team won't have to fight for a while yet – and found that he was _definitely_ insinuating something. 

Even in that ningen body, he has the most incredible stamina. Can't wait to see what the youko's like.

Day 8:

Ahahahaha! That'll show Toguro! Went to the bartender with the evidence that I have, indeed, been getting some, and he got all white. Then he muttered something about him paying us after the tournament was over. I suppose we'll give him that time, since Toguro thoughtfully chose such high odds, and the pitiful bartender's going to need time to collect such a large amount.

By the way – Youko is _amazing._

Day 10:

Although I'd been having a great time with Kurama, I suggested after one round that he let me be seme at least one time. He got all huffy and told me to leave. That upset me a lot – was it really so much to ask? But I decided to apologize, since he was obviously offended by my proposal, and he just yelled at me to get out of his room. He practically kicked me out (I even left my favorite sparkly purple thong under his bed!), and now I'm really, really despondent. 

Why? _Why? _Just when I finally get someone I can love, I get rejected!!! I need to calm down . . . it wouldn't do to have the others see me crying my eyes out . . . but I'm suffering from a broken heart!

Day 11:

Spent hours analyzing our relationship from every possible angle. Then decided to call a psychic for advice. She told me that I needed to move on. I screamed and hung up. Need help . . . I need help . . .

Day 12:

Approached Bui with, "When one guy loves another guy -,"

Didn't get further than that. As soon as I pronounced "guy," Bui clutched my pointy collar tightly (thus wrinkling my lovely gothy jacket – which I happen to like because it has Kurama's smell on it) and yelled hysterically, "You're seeing someone!? _YOU'RE SEEING SOMEONE!?_

Got away from Bui after assuring him multiple times that I was unattached. 

Didn't get much help from him. And I'm definitely not getting advice on my love life from either of the Toguro brothers.

But I need counseling! Pulled out approximately 400, 061 strands of hair last night.

Day 13:

Carved an adorable figurine of Kurama from an onion in an attempt to make him fall in love with me again. (_Magickal Remedies for Unrequited Love, Obsession, and All Other Forms of Affection_, Claire Voyant, 5th edition) Then went through this whole ritual involving floral scented pink candles and a bar of soap the size of my head. I don't think it worked, but I sure smell good. Plus, I like Onion Kurama.

Day 14:

Talked to Onion Kurama for a long time. He seems to agree with me that I probably was too inconsiderate to the real Kurama, and all I have to do is be more romantic and caring, and I'll get him back. 

Everyone else seems to be disturbed by the lengthy conversations I hold with Onion Kurama. Ani tried to take him away, but I blew up his blue fuzzy slippers and he backed off. 

Oh, and also, we have to fight the Urameshi Team tomorrow. I'm sure that'll be an excellent time to show Kurama I really care about him.

Day 15: 

I did everything that a tender, devoted lover should do when courting his sweetheart at the fight today – I laughed maniacally, tried very hard to kill him without ruining his face, and blew up random things every five seconds. Kurama might have forgiven me a little – he tried very hard to kill me too, using his exotic plants – but he didn't seem to care that much.

When I finally thought that I'd killed him (I didn't really want to kill him, but I had to show him how much I loved him) he summoned some evil blood-sucking plant and it drained the life out of me. 

Great. Now I'm dead.

Day 16:

Being dead isn't so bad, if it weren't for the fact that you don't have a body. I followed Kurama around the whole day – while observing his teammates carefully for any feelings other than that of friendship – and noticed that the short, arrogant one who'd seemed to be burning up with jealousy the other day when I fought Kurama, is very interested in becoming more than friends. Thankfully, Kurama doesn't seem to return those feelings.

Mostly, itooshi sat around reading fashion magazines, but he wasn't really paying attention because he was extremely sorrowful. It made me so happy to see that he was suffering so because I am now dead – or maybe it was just because i'd ruined his last set of good clothes while fighting him yesterday.

Anyway, it's a lot more mourning than what those other bastards (my teammates) are doing. They got my body back after the fight, and Ani said just to throw it in the trash. Bui protested, and said he needed to mourn me properly. He took my body into his room and wailed and sobbed a lot. Then he came back out with my mutilated corpse, which now not only sported unattractive bloody wounds, but also had abnormally swollen lips, and tears and snot wiped all over my clothes (which I might add, I received as a thoughtful present from a store manager after I threatened to blow up his collection of women's undergarments). After that, they agreed to use me as firewood. Otouto was kind enough to note that it was the most use I'd ever put myself to. They're all so stupid they didn't know that burning flesh and hair give off a nauseating smell possibly worse than that of rotting meat. I hope they choke on my fumes.

Day 17:

Watched Kurama whole day today. Was rewarded for my vigilance by watching him shower for approximately 135 minutes. Had an excellent view until the steam obscured my vision. Left when the obnoxious pounding on the door and the complaints of his team members ruined the mood.

Saw Toguro Otouto toss Onion Kurama in trash. He'll pay for that.

Day 18:

Read over itooshi's shoulder when he was flipping through a magazine. Saw intriguing article labeled "Dump Him? Keep Him? How to Decide" which pointed out several signs for each scenario. I did the little quiz thingy, and with a score of 17, it said: "You may argue more than the normal couple, but deep down you know you're made for each other. Be patient, and try to make it work," blah blah blah.

That gave me some hope. I'm going to keep trying. After all, true love always perseveres. 

A/N: Karasu-san! Ehehehe . . . I've always had a soft spot for him. He's a homicidal, psychotic stalker! What's not to like? 

[1] Spoons is a card game where the cards are passed around, and the object is to collect four of one card. When you have collected four, you have to grab one of the spoons in the middle (other objects may be used), and the number of spoons is always one less than the number of players. So if you don't get a spoon, you lose.

[2] I believe it's a song from the newest Austin Powers movie. ^^;;

Ookay, there have been several disgruntled people (I don't really like to use the term flamer here) who have been telling me that I'm suffering from delusions. I'll address those issues here . . .

Yusuke's/Kurama's/Hiei's not gay! 

Yes, I realize that Yusuke isn't gay. However, I didn't say he was gay, I stated that he was bisexual, which we really have no evidence against. And yes, I know he's in love with Keiko, but personally, I find Keiko weak and annoying, and since this is all one big parody, I thought it'd be funny to stick him with Kurama. As for the other two, I don't think they're gay either, but a lot of people do . . .

2) There are no gay people in YYH!

Actually, there are at least four canonly (yeah, I know that's not a word) gay people in YYH. They are: Sensui, Itsuki, Karasu, and Miyuki.

All the other stuff that I'm too dumb to know because apparently I never watched YYH! 

Yes, I have watched it, for those of you who are wondering, and about all those liberties that I have taken with Togashi-sama's original plot – well, as I've stated above, _this is one big parody_. I'm not really a yaoi fan, and neither do I support any of the pairings I've got in here. It's all for fun, peeps . . .

Now that my frustrated ranting, erm, _explaining_, is over, it's time for a big glomp for my supportive reviewers! *glomps* Keep feeding my ego! ^__^ 


	6. Kurama's Diary II

"Dear Diary"

__

Part Two

Kurama's Diary II

A/N: Got the mangas so now I actually know what's going on . . . eheh, any mistakes from here on are due to my poor Chinese and general stupidity. Therefore, I will be more vague and make up a bunch of outrageous stuff to cover up my ignorance. Mwaha!

Day 30:

Tried very hard to avoid all of my "teammates" and Koenma, and succeeded partially, though that Hiei's a hard one to hide from. Damned Jagan. But, was successful in managing to get out of this one mission to rescue a lost Koorime . . . or maybe it was a lost cookie? I dunno . . . I wasn't really paying attention when Koenma tracked me down and started getting on my case.

I tutored Kuwabara a few times though . . . didn't want Koenma to get too mad. And to save face . . . to fight with such a clumsy fool is way too embarrassing. Hiei showed up too, with a similar excuse, but we all know what he _really_ wanted, ne? But besides those few times, I never saw him.

My luck ran out today though . . . was emergency shopping for new conditioner (I was getting an alarming number of split ends) when I sensed an eerily familiar ki. Yeah, it just had to be Hiei, when I was having a first-class hair crisis! The guy's got wonderful timing.

So I tried to give him the slip, but like I said, it wasn't much use since he's got that extra eye on his forehead, and he ended up chasing me to this construction site or something. The situation was looking pretty desperate – sure, he's small, but he's got _muscley, _uh, muscles, and he's got no inhibitions whatsoever. I shudder to think what could have happened if that musclier guy hadn't showed up.

Just when Hiei was saying something about, "Resistance only makes a man more -," [1] this man with a horribly ugly cropped haircut, and cheap plastic sunglasses came up to us and kindly informed us that we had been invited to a Dark Tournament. "Us" as in all four of us. I considered declining, but when I saw the threatening way Big Muscley Guy was flexing his biceps, I thought better of it.

Day 31:

One good thing that came of this stupid tournament affair was that I had an excuse to go clothes shopping. (Kaasan limits me to twice a week, the way I was spending) Got this lovely pale suit with an amber sash that I really think accentuates my complexion well, and this yellow Chinese style tunic. I'm not so sure about the yellow one . . . but the saleslady said it was gorgeous on me, and it was on sale too, so I bought it.

Hiei, Kuwabara, and I arrived on time to take the ship which would take us to the island on which the tournament was being held, and Yusuke showed up late bringing the fifth member of our team. A short, masked person.

The short masked person doesn't talk a lot . . . I think it's creepy. Ever since Hiei, I've developed a sort of phobia of short people of little words.

But hey . . . maybe I'll get lucky and it'll turn out that the masked person isn't attracted to guys.

The people on the ship turned out to be vicious bloodthirsty savages, so we were forced to kill all of them. Ruined my new outfit. Hope they have malls on this island. Yusuke, for some reason, fell asleep once on the ship and didn't wake up even during the fight.

Day 32:

Well, our accommodations are comfortable. When we first got into our suite, I noticed we only had four beds. Leering, Yusuke woke up long enough to suggest that two of us would have to share. Wanting very much to sleep away from the four of them, I announced that I was perfectly willing to bed on the sofa. When it was quite clear I was _not _willing to share a bed with him, Yusuke fell asleep again.

Hiei, in an unusual display of tact, said that he was okay with sleeping on the sofa, and added that I should have a bed because I wasn't used to a hard life like him. I think he was again trying to seem chivalrous and masculine, but it only made him look arrogant and contemptuous.

In the end, the masked person snapped that he/she would take the sofa and added pointedly that since they were making this sacrifice, the rest of us had better stick to our own beds and enjoy them properly. My fears about this masked person have dissipated in relief that they obviously know everyone else here is out to jump me.

However . . . the clerk in the lobby regretfully informed me that there were absolutely no shopping facilities in the vicinity.

Oh yeah . . . some little guy named Rinku got into our room, and his team's captain, Zeru, showed up too. It was the usual threats . . . disembowelment, decapitation, a horrible gruesome death for all of us . . . nothing to worry about, I'm sure, but a terrible invasion of privacy all the same. I bet they just wanted to undress me with their eyes. Being beautiful isn't easy.

Day 33:

Hmm . . . surprisingly, Hiei knows how to sew extremely well. He offered to patch up my clothes. When Yusuke noticed this and leered, Hiei grudgingly accepted the task of sewing up Yusuke's clothes as well. And even Kuwabara will benefit from Hiei's mad skills with thread and needle. It's interesting to see what lengths certain people will go to for love.

After we were all done discussing the repair of our clothing, we had our first fights. Kuwabara went first, and lost to Rinku. He lost our first battle to a child with yo-yos. Yo-yos! Oh, the humiliation . . . 

As much as I detest being here, I have a sense of pride, and I took it upon myself to fight next, so no one could bungle it up. I went up against this butt-ugly youkai named Roto, who knew I was much too powerful for him, so he had to resort to dirty tactics. He had a device, and if he pressed the button, his friends would kill Kaasan. There was no way I was letting her die now after all I went through to save her (and no one bakes like Kaasan!) so I let that bastard beat me up for a bit. While he was laughing idiotically about how pitiful I was, I planted a seed of the Grass of Death in him, and when he told me to lick his shoes (I'm sure that had we not been in front of millions of youkai, he would have forced me to do something kinky). As it is, he died in a burst of flowers. It was quite pretty, actually.

Next went Hiei, in that sad pathetic way of trying impress me; he fought Zeru. Apparently the Rukuyukai team has no sense of strategy since they were letting their captain fight at that time. However, it was the perfect opportunity for Hiei, Zeru being the strongest member of their team. Sadly, Hiei almost screwed up. He had to use his Jao Ensatsu Kokoryuuha to burn Zeru into a tiny pile of ashes, and in the process, totally ruined his right arm. Took all the glory out of his victory, if you ask me, but he still grinned smugly at me and swaggered off the stage. 

The rest of the Rukuyukai team, after witnessing Hiei's flawed yet deadly attack, tried to flee. Their bench member, some drunkard named Chuu, killed them and challenged us. Yusuke woke up at that point and took up his challenge. They wasted all their ki firing blindly at each other, and so Chuu thought up a game they could play to decide the outcome of the match. Yusuke won with his hard head, which concluded the end of our first day. (Head as in the one on his shoulders. Not the other one.)

Day 34:

Yusuke, the nincompoop, couldn't fire any Rei-gan blasts today, since he messed things up so badly yesterday. 

Today was generally a bad day. First we had to deal with some ningens who'd been controlled by yet another ugly-as-hell youkai, this one named Ichigaki, and they all made me cure their sick master. ("Oh Kurama, you must do something!" "Oh Kurama it's just so sad!" "Oh Kurama, you know all about medicinal herbs!") 

Then we were forced to watch the excessively maudlin reunion of students and teacher with many tears and running noses.

When that whole affair was over, we had to fight this team who apparently thought it was fashionable to wear huge bulky cloaks with triangular hoods, giving the general impression of large black-headed starfish with no arms or legs. Team Mashuotokai, I think.

Those cheating assholes running the tournament knew we'd win easily, so they found some excuse to keep Hiei and the masked person from fighting. Personally, I was grateful that they kept Hiei away from me, but that masked person is damn good, and it's the principle of the matter anyway.

It was just Yusuke and me, since Kuwabara, being the incompetent lout that he is, had been knocked out earlier. 

I went first; I was completely outraged that they'd come to a formal tournament like this dressed as coneheads. People like that ought to be arrested. No one has any idea how deeply disturbed I was by their hideous get-up. Perhaps I should sue for mental unrest.

So one of them threw that disgusting cloak thing off in a flourish (the sort of thing Hiei likes to do) and I was faced by a horrid bare-chested thing who began painting his face flashy colors. And then . . . the real blow. He had the nerve to paint on me too! Red so does _not_ go with off-white. It also had the added nasty effect of weighting me down. Later, after I'd dealt him a fatal blow, he told me he'd painted some wards on me that shut my ki in my body, and then said that the paint was blood. Argh . . . blood stains are so hard to get out of silk. If he weren't already dead . . . I'd . . . god . . . so mad . . .

Then another one whipped the absurd costume off his head in a supposedly dramatic way. Touya thankfully had a shirt underneath. He still sucked though . . . he couldn't beat me even in my disabled state. When I'd knocked him down, he muttered something deliriously about wanting me to kill him to save his dignity. Hah! I've always hated those heroic sorts of people. 

Fortunately, the next opponent wasn't as noble as Touya. He bellowed something about revenge, just like Touya had, and proceeded to thrash me severely in my now close-to-blacking-out state. Unfortunately, he broke several bones, and I'm sure that if Yusuke had not magnanimously interfered, I would have died. 

Filled with righteous fury (probably because he wanted me in his bed _alive – _I don't really think Hiei has any such scruples) he beat and went on to the next opponent. I don't really know what went on . . . I was sort of out of it. You would be too if you were in trauma from impossibly ugly deformed starfish outfits, three fractured ribs and possibly a broken clavicle!

When I regained full use of my mental facilities, I noticed Kuwabara losing spectacularly (again) to a very . . . retarded looking person with a nose that Pinocchio's would have looked like had it been trimmed to a length of two inches. 

Amazingly, Yukina (who I have since learned is the Koorime the others saved and Kuwabara consequently fell madly in love with) showed up at that point (as did Shizuru, Kuwabara's sister; Atsuko, Yusuke's mother; Botan, Yusuke's _assistant;_ and Keiko) and Kuwabara won in a stunning reversal of events.

When that was done, Yusuke ran off with Keiko, probably to relieve his pent-up lust with some passionate snogging, since I have thus far successfully resisted his advances. Last I heard of Kuwabara and Yukina, the former was yelling insanely about the power of love.

Interesting tidbit: Yukina is Hiei's sister. Poor Kuwabara won't be getting any, not if Hiei can help it.

Day 35:

Rather uneventful day in the beginning. Unless you count when Yusuke came back from a walk with the masked person with a stupid blue penguin on his head.

I went down to the bar to get a drink – so I'm not legally old enough, but hey, that's another one of the perks of this tournament. Noticed they've set up a betting ring down there. Some rather, uh, interesting, bets were being placed on me. No doubt the work of Yusuke. Hiei's too anxious to get on my good side to do something like this . . . and let's face it, Kuwabara hasn't got the brains.

Anyway, I met this poor soul by the name of Karasu who was trying to get himself drunk. It seems that his teammates hate and mock him all the time. When our little pity party was over, we had a most enjoyable discussion on hair-care. He's the only guy (or girl, for that matter) who knows more about treating cowlicks than I do.

Day 36:

Went up against Team Uraotogi today. Yusuke and Masked Person were conspicuously absent, so Hiei, Kuwabara, and I were left to dispatch the whole team.

Hiei's obviously getting desperate. He fought the first two, and used his Jao Ensatsu Ken. I suppose his little pyrotechnics are slightly entertaining, though he's losing his touch if he can't do Jao Ensatsu Kokoryuuha.

I fought a depressingly repulsive and short guy named Uraurashima, who had a mysterious box that changed me into Youko. Of course, I then defeated him easily. 

Kuwabara made an ass out of himself today, and we found out that the masked person was Genkai. Interesting. 

After our fights were over, we went back to the hotel rooms. That's when I became depressed. Kuwabara confided in me that he was an amateur poet, and proceeded to read at least 50 godawful poems to me. I nearly choked when I complimented him and forced a smile. Then I felt really weird . . . I guess I had a problem adjusting with Youko in my system. I've always been, uh, well, more voracious in that form. 

Escaped to bar. Met Karasu there. We went up to his rooms. Found out that even though he acts chronically depressed, he's really very . . . feisty. Since it's him, it doesn't really bother me that he's a guy. Most guys are dirty and smell vile (Yusuke and Hiei think its macho to shower as infrequently as possible), and girls are clean, soft, and they smell nice. Now that I've finally found someone who's as beautiful as me (and god he's got wonderful hair) it doesn't matter that he's male. Just need to keep his existence unknown to Yusuke and Hiei. They'd probably hunt him down and skin him alive if they found out he's my lover.

Day 36:

Didn't have to fight today. Spent day at Karasu's place. He taught me things you can do with just a pair of handcuffs and two cucumbers that I'd never dreamed of. Extraordinary.

Day 37:

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED IN MY LIFE!!! Karasu – that bastard, that dirty, worthless _whore_ – asked to be seme! _No one_ _tops Youko Kurama!!_ I kicked him out, needless to say. I'd told him when we met that the only thing I hated more than being uke was being forced to wear stripes with plaid (Kaasan's doing when I was in first grade . . . it haunts me even to this day), but no, he doesn't listen!!

Clearly, this means I'm not meant to find my one true love. Woe is me . . . no one's good enough for me.

Oh, by the way, I think Genkai died today. Kind of sad, really.

Day 42:

Hah! I showed him! Killed Karasu today when we fought the Toguro team. So I lost, but still . . . he's dead! 

Was so caught up in my ecstasy that I didn't really note what went on after that. I think Kuwabara nearly died, and Yusuke killed Toguro Otouto, but besides that, nothing important happened.

When the initial euphoria wore off, I realized that Sakyou, the replacement/manager of Team Toguro, was a madman and was going to blow up the stadium. We all got away, unfortunately (why couldn't Hiei and Yusuke have been killed? Would have been extremely convenient) and got back to our hotel rooms to pack up.

Found a sparkly purple thong underneath my bed. Luckily, I was able to dispose of it before anyone else saw.

Day 43:

Genkai came back to life because we wished for it and we won the tournament. Actually, Yusuke wished for it. I would have wished for something _infinitely_ more useful. Like to have the hair on my legs disappear permanently to save me the annoyance of shaving once every week.

Oh well. Yusuke thought Genkai's life was more important than my legs being smooth and hairless. 

At least we got to get off the damned island and go our separate ways once more. I'm positive that if we had been forced to sleep under the same roof once more, Hiei would not have been able to control himself any longer and something _bad_ would have happened to me. 

A/N: Yeah, I know I'm a complete arse at updating regularly. Hopefully the length of this chapter makes up for it. ^^;;

[1] I think I stole this line from Ayashi no Ceres. It goes like this: "Resistance only makes a man more aroused." Feisty Hiei . . . me like. veg

Thankies to all my reviewers. You make the pain and hell that is writing to the best of one's ability worth it.


End file.
